Issue 4 TOC
 
Recall

 


 

by Larry Friedlander 

 

Josh’s Hamburger Heaven

RECALL NOTICE…RECALL NOTICE…RECALL NOTICE

February 9, 2007
Josh’s Hamburger Heaven announces a recall of its Super Kids Meal Special of January 2007.  It has come to our attention that the meat used in preparation of our Super Burgers was woefully rancid beyond the pale of any human consumption standards.  We therefore ask anyone who has eaten a Super Kids Meal in January, to vomit liberally.  We would like to stress that the chance of developing one of the digestive tract disorders that we are currently seeing is rare.  So please, vomit at your convenience.  But vomit nonetheless.   Thank you and we look forward to your continuing patronage.

February 10, 2007 (Amendment  of February 9, 2007 recall notice)
Josh’s Hamburger Heaven announces a recall if its Super Kids Meal Special of January 2007.  A rare, but fatal disease spread by a mutant potato has possibly infiltrated our normal Idaho shipment.  Anyone who has eaten our fries, or has come into contact with anyone who has eaten our fries, is urged to have a transfusion at your convenience.                      
Thank you and we look forward to your continued patronage.

February 11, 2007 (Amendment of amendment of February 9, 2007 recall notice)
Josh’s Hamburger Heaven is announcing a recall of its Super Kids Meal Special of January 2007.  It has been determined that a portion of this meal can be harmful to young children.  Specifically, the Mr. M-80 toy offers a very real danger to children who cannot throw or run exceptionally fast.  If you come into contact with the M-80 portion of the Super Kids Meal Special, you are instructed to turn it into your local Josh’s Hamburger Heaven for an alternative prize.  You will be offered one of several promotional items such as Mr. Blasting Cap,  Mr. Mike The Punji Spike, Old Man Jake the Urinal Cake, or Epilepsy Bear.  Thank you and we look forward to your continued patronage.  

February 12, 2007 (Amendment to Amendment of Amendment of February 9 notice)
It is with Josh’s great sadness that we announce that several napkins distributed with the January Super Kids Meal Special, raped, tortured and sadistically murdered a family in a quiet Kansas farming town.  If you or your children come into contact with these rogue napkins, you are urged to contact your local authorities.  Again, we thank you for your continued patronage

End of Recall Notice……End of Recall Notice…..End of Recall Notice….