Get A Life!

MR. TANNY-O: Gentlemen, gentlemen.  Here we have two claimants to one life.  How can this be resolved?  Clearly a fight to the death is in order!

YURI: What?!

MR. TANNY-O [conspiratorially to YURI]: Quickly, fool!  The coma has weakened him!  Claim the life you’ve always wanted!

YURI charges BYRON with a yell and they wrestle off-stage.  MR. TANNY-O watches; grimacing, pumping his fist and generally reacting to the fight.  There is a loud YELP! And then finally BYRON staggers back on-stage.  His gown is ripped and bloodied and he is winded.

BYRON: It is done.

MR. TANNY-O: Brother, I knew you would succeed!  Such vigorous fisticuffs!  You do me proud.

BYRON: And you shame me.  Selling my legacy to turn a mere twenty-five dollar profit?

MR. TANNY-O: You know I would have burned twelve dollars and fifty cents of that profit with your corpse and then spread the ashes upon the tip of Everest as a gift to your lost yeti bride.

BYRON: Now it is I who bring shame.  You are a man of such deep honor.

MR. TANNY-O: I learned from the best.

BYRON: Ha ha!  But now I have slept far too long.  I must away to wilds of the Amazon Basin.  I must hug an anaconda!

MR. TANNY-O: Brother!  One last thing before you go.  What should be done with your deceased sparring partner in the back?

BYRON: That is your decision.  Though truthfully, you have demonstrated yourself to be a remarkable executer of estates.

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