A More Sensitive Census

end,the stagehands stretch the blanket out in front of the table as the copulating Census Man and Investigative Reporter lay themselves down on the table.  From behind the blanket, The Census Man and Investigative Reporter loose noisy orgasms.  Then the stagehands take the blanket away and exit the stage.  With the blanket gone, we now see Investigative Reporter lying on her back on the table, her knees up and spread and her belly swollen in pregnancy.  The Census Man stands at her side, gripping her hand.  Investigative Reporter’s brow is damp and creased with the strain of labor.

THE CENSUS MAN:  Just breathe.  Hee-hee-hoos.  Hee-hee-hoos.

INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER:  Hee-hee-hoos.  Hee-hee—

Investigative Reporter’s breathing erupts into a blood-curdling scream.  Suddenly a beach ball-sized globe shoots from between Investigative Reporter’s legs, drops to the floor, bounces twice, and then lands on the waiting snout of Sparky, a trained seal.  Sparky arches his neck and raises the globe high in the air.  Then Slugger McGee, designated hitter for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, steps up, cocks his bat, and takes a rip, sending the globe rocketing through the air, over the audience.  Sparky barks in celebration.

RADIO ANNOUNCER [OFF STAGE]:  It’s back, back, back…  I don’t think it’s playable…  And it is out of here!