A More Sensitive Census

THE CENSUS MAN:  That’s right.  Bow down to your overlords.  We do what must be done to preserve this great country, what you lily-livered liberals can’t stomach.

While The Census Man rants, Investigative Reporter produces a switchblade from her boot.  In one smooth motion, she pops the blade and takes a swipe at The Census Man’s gut.  He leaps backwards.

THE CENSUS MAN:  You crazy bitch!

INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER:  You leave me no choice.  Now give me the camera phone back so that I can destroy you and bring free-wheelin’ liberty to this land once more.

THE CENSUS MAN:  You mean anarchy.

Investigative Report lunges at the camera phone, but The Census Man moves it out of the way.  Without missing a beat, Investigative Reporter slashes at The Census Man with the switchblade.  He dodges, then grabs for the switchblade.  Investigative Reporter yanks the switchblade away and, once again, snatches for the camera phone.  The Census Man keeps the camera phone out of her reach again, and again goes for the switchblade.  This routine continues a couple more times, with the lunging and the dodging carrying them around the stage.  Finally Investigative Reporter grabs hold of The Census Man’s wrist.  As she does, he grabs hold of the wrist of her switchblade-wielding hand.  They struggle for leverage, turning this way and that.  Gradually their struggle becomes a waltz, and they dance about the stage.  After a moment, they stop, looking each other square in the eye.  They drop both the camera phone and the switchblade, and fall into a passionate embrace, mashing their lips hungrily against each other, groping like teenagers.  As The Census Man and Investigative Reporter ravish each other, two stagehands carry a table on stage and set it nearby.  Then the stagehands pick a large black blanket emblazoned with the word “TIME” in giant silver letters off the table.  Holding it at either